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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m walking, minding my own business, when I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I almost faceplant, but I catch myself. I look around, hoping no one saw. Of course, there’s this old man on a bench laughing his ass off. Thanks, dude, real supportive. I give him a thumbs up, but inside, I’m fuming.

Vacaresti Natural Park opens 8 km bike path